Thursday, January 6, 2011

Guest post by Kate

Here's a list of things I'd do if I had thumbs: 

*Eat more cat food
*Hang feathers from every square inch of the ceiling
*Take all the sheets from the big cupboard and make resting places all over the house
*Eat all the cheese in the cold box
*Lock the round ears in the bathroom
*Learn to drive.

It sounds like too much hard work, frankly. 

The smaller round ears came home yesterday with a new coat. It doesn't have stripes and there are pockets that still had someone else's tissues in them. 

"Ewww," the smaller round ears said and flicked them in the bin. I smelt them later - the last owner had an allergy to cats which I think is ironic but I'm not sure. 

The bigger round ears came home and said "Oh, just what you need, more clothes." He had on a tie with stripes. Everyone should wear stripes. They make you look important. Both the round ears annoy me but they have thumbs and can open cat food. I dislike the bigger round ears less because he gives me a little piece of steak whenever he has one for dinner. The small round ears tried to give me yoghurt the other day. 

I reserve a special look of contempt for that kind of behaviour. 

The bigger round ears, the tom, is longer too so if I need to sit on someone I choose him, partly because he has more lap but also because it annoys the smaller round ears. Here's a handy hint: if you want a cat to sit on your lap, don't ask it to. This smacks of desperation to a cat and to honest, it embarrasses us a little when you're needy. 

Also, if you don't want us to sit on magazines you're reading, don't read magazines. 

Now, to recap: 

See? Important. Also, ears should be triangles. 

Unimportant. Why no stripes, that's what I want to know.