Thursday, January 6, 2011

Guest post by Kate

Here's a list of things I'd do if I had thumbs: 

*Eat more cat food
*Hang feathers from every square inch of the ceiling
*Take all the sheets from the big cupboard and make resting places all over the house
*Eat all the cheese in the cold box
*Lock the round ears in the bathroom
*Learn to drive.

It sounds like too much hard work, frankly. 

The smaller round ears came home yesterday with a new coat. It doesn't have stripes and there are pockets that still had someone else's tissues in them. 

"Ewww," the smaller round ears said and flicked them in the bin. I smelt them later - the last owner had an allergy to cats which I think is ironic but I'm not sure. 

The bigger round ears came home and said "Oh, just what you need, more clothes." He had on a tie with stripes. Everyone should wear stripes. They make you look important. Both the round ears annoy me but they have thumbs and can open cat food. I dislike the bigger round ears less because he gives me a little piece of steak whenever he has one for dinner. The small round ears tried to give me yoghurt the other day. 

I reserve a special look of contempt for that kind of behaviour. 

The bigger round ears, the tom, is longer too so if I need to sit on someone I choose him, partly because he has more lap but also because it annoys the smaller round ears. Here's a handy hint: if you want a cat to sit on your lap, don't ask it to. This smacks of desperation to a cat and to honest, it embarrasses us a little when you're needy. 

Also, if you don't want us to sit on magazines you're reading, don't read magazines. 

Now, to recap: 

See? Important. Also, ears should be triangles. 

Unimportant. Why no stripes, that's what I want to know. 


  1. Guest comment from the Vampire Cat:

    Sitting on laps is also something I Iike to do when my smooth roommate (I have two, one is furry like me, the other, bi-pedal one, not so much) is clearly to harried to enjoy the pleasure of my company. I generally insist that she at least sit down for her cuppa so that I can languish on her lap and purr my very loudest to indicate that she should probably pay attention to me instead of doing the very important and professional things she thinks she should be doing. I like to leave her with some of my precious and gorgeous fur as a reminder of my devotion. This annoys her no end. Honestly, I don't know why she thinks she should wear black when I am grey.

    And I agree with you about the driving. Though I can see that would mean that I would have to do all the shopping, which wouldn't be a bad thing, come to think of it.

  2. Freeda and Shy - thank you! Kate sends her warmest regards and purrs appreciatively.

    Vampire Cat - Kate responds: The hair film is very important. It can take hours to remove and even then it's never completely gone. It's quick, simple and ensures that you are never far from their thoughts. And I would rule in the supermarket. None of those pointless cleaning products or stupid fruit - just kilos of cheese and boxes of prawn in tuna jelly.